I think I'm in love

Hey what's up? A couple of days after I post "Complicated Heart" I am here now. I indicate there that it should be "F" or "R". I think I know now. I think I'm in love.

Recently, I found out that "F" likes a friend of mine. I've got a hunch before but I ignored it, but now they confirmed it, then again I realized I am falling for "R". This is crazy I know but I am sure now. I've moved on with "V", so I'm pretty sure that its "R" now.

The other day I felt that something's going on between "R" and I. Or maybe he's just nice, sweet or he just "go with the flow" I don't know. It was a memorable day for me. I never thought that he will reply to my texts, we exchanged texts until midnight which is unusual for him, I guess.

I admit it I fall for a guy who doesn't know that I exist. Haha. Charot, of course he does, but he doesn't know that my feelings for him exist. I really like him, i really do hope that he's the one for me. I don't want anybody else, just him. But I don't know if that fairytale that I'm dreaming will come true. I remember in my previous post about fairytale that I should update my story, I guess this is the time. But how should I make a move?

I was re-reading my post about fairytale, and realized that it was "V" whom I was talking about. Haha. Well, I've moved on, I really do that's why I am telling you that it was "R" now. Maybe this will be my fairytale post continuation but instead it was with another guy.

So starting today, I will update my fairytale. Hope that this will be it.

Message for "R":

Dear _____,

Hello! I know makulit ako, pag nagkakasama tayo sa mga get together lagi kita pinipilit magload. Tapos nagload ka nga nung isang araw. Haha, laking tuwa ko nun. Ikaw naman kasi lakas mo mang gulat. Napaka unexpected nun ah, sobrang saya ko nun. Hindi maipinta un reaksyon ko nung sa unang text mo. Tandang tanda ko un oras din nung sinabi mong kakain ka muna, 7:36pm. Lumipas na ang ilang minuto, tapos isang oras wala pa ring text akala ko nakalimot kna pero bigla bigla ka ulit nagtext. Kung alam mo lang grabe ang kilig ko nun. Sobrang saya ko nung araw na un (April 7, 2012). Akala ko nga un na un start of something new pero ewan. Malalaman ko sa mga susunod na araw. Ayoko mag expect pero di ko mapigilan tinamaan kasi. Siguro kung mababasa mo man to matatawa ka, kasi sobrang ang babaw dba? Haha. Ikaw naman kasi, masyado kang pa mysterious type, kung puede lang talaga na paloadan kita gagawin ko pero ayoko naman din na ganun mangyari. Basta kung anuman maghihintay ako. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kelan, pero wag naman sana na forever kasi sobra un. Hahaha! Ewan ko nga ba bakit ako nahihiya pero in time, malalaman mo din or feeling ko alam mo na kaya tama na to. Sige sa susunod mas may sense naman. Bye!

Danica

This post is so weird I know. That's my annoying letter for him. Keep posted. Bye!

Love,

Danica.✯

Complicated Heart

REPOST: April 1, 2012

Its been a month since I’ve put up something in this blog. Sorry been busy these past few days, but now I have time I’m doing this. Ever since I started working / operating my small business my life had been more complicated as ever. In order for you guys to understand I’m gonna elaborate further. Haha, but I’m too shy to admit everything. Oh men this sucks! I don’t know if I can handle it. Hahaha!

What I am about to write is very very personal. Its about me and my so called “fool feelings” for not just one but three person or maybe four or five. Haha this is the most complicated feeling that I’ve felt, I swear. I’m not gonna name each one of them because it will be too much for me.

Here it goes, I thought I love this one person, well I really do but its not gonna happen I mean that person, oh god, is the one that I know I couldn’t reach so instead I’ll just stalk and stalk and stalk to know things or stuff that, okay I’m gonna put initials, “J” were up to. “J” is based on Melbourne, from time to time “J” visits the Phils, and to be honest I haven’t seen “J” in person, I just know and I think “J’s” the one for me (charot!).

Second was “E”, well they were close I mean “E” and “J”. They knew each other but then again, then don’t know me. That’s how bad my life is. Hahaha! Kidding so sometimes I just wish I’m another person so that they will know me what so ever.

Third was “R”, omg! I really really like him. He’s adorable, cute and a very nice person. But I barely see him, we never usually hang out. He wasn’t part of our circle good thing his cousin “F”, by the way he’s the fourth, was the one whom I am super close. Is it too much that I like them both? Hahaha.

Oh I’m down to my last, he’s “G” but this is crazy because he’s totally gay. Wtf! What the hell’s wrong with me? Everytime I am around him I am totally happy. He made me laugh like there’s no tomorrow. I suddenly miss him. He’s in Cebu right now visiting his family. He’ll be there for two weeks and maybe by that time when he got back this ridiculous feelings will long be gone, oh I’m really hoping for that.

Recap with their initials, “J”, “E”, “R”, “F” and “G”. Who should it be? I’ll be honest, if I have to choose between them, it should just be between “R” and “F”. I should throw away all my feelings for the remaining three because its prohibited. Hahahaha! Charot.

Love,

Danica.✯

Kid no more!

REPOST: February 21, 2012

Hello BUSY-ness life! Hello to real world. I know it’s late for me to realize that I should be productive now. Look where it got me, I’ve been a bum for almost a year and a half, epic rest I got. But anyway, let’s put that all behind since I am now a career woman. Last week, I started or my family started to look for a new business cause we really need to have an income. Then we decided to enter another franchising food cart since we did have a franchise business before but it’s a salon. After talks whatsoever, my dad decided to name the business under my name. I was so annoyed because honestly I don’t really think I’m ready to do this. I admit I am so lazy with dealing with grown up stuffs. But when I was processing the permits/clearances earlier, I realized this would have been the best opportunity to prove myself than I am really a grown up woman now. But surely, step by step it is.

I’ll be opening my cart next month. Hope everything went well. I really don’t know what to expect. This will be my baby, instead of a guy or a boyf. Haha! Atleast good thing is coming along. Thank you Lord for the opportunity.

Love,

Danica.✯

VDay or SADay

REPOST: February 15, 2012

Oh great, the day just end. They call it Valentine’s, they call it Tuesday but I call it Single Awareness Day. Come on let’s be practical and not be bitter about it. There’s nothing wrong if you are single, you can still celebrate it with your friends or family. Valentine’s day doesn’t mean its just for lovers, come on seriously? Yeah, supposed to be it is heart’s day but aren’t you considering your friends and family as your loved ones as well? If you don’t think that way then go drown yourself to death. Sorry but I hate those people who thinks that Valentine’s are only for those lovebirds. Go die! I’m happy for those lovebirds everywhere who celebrated it with love. But to those who’s bitter about it, come on? I’m really sorry but I want to stab you on the back, I really don’t get why you think that if you’re single you can’t survive the day? I hate it when people can’t stand the fact about it since the day is coming. Its not that I don’t have a life or something, but maybe I’m just mature enough to deal with things in life, unlike other people who can’t accept the fact that for just a day, they will celebrate Vday with no boyfriend/girlfriend, take note it was just for a day. Just get over it!

Now I’m curious, why does when it Vday is coming love is in the air? Can’t it be like everyday? Why show love just during Valentine’s? Haven’t you thought about that? I’m not against this sweet day, I’m just curious. Does it necessarily be Valentine’s day just for you to show that you love someone? For you to be sweet? I don’t think it does. If you’re really in love, you should celebrate it every day of your lives together? Now, I realized Valentine’s are for friends and families because it goes to show that during that day you happen to think about them as well and realized to celebrate it with them or give them something like flowers or whatever. I just don’t agree with lovers thing. Haha! I may sound as bitter as hell but I’m not. I’m just making out a point here.

Okay, I’ll be honest yeah before I hate it when Valentine’s day is coming then I am single, I was young then. I’ve realized that I can still celebrate it, that’s when I decided that Single Awareness Day should be the right term for me. I may be silly or whatsoever but I am happy. I found peace in my heart, so everytime that Vday is coming I am calm. So piece of advice just get over it and be happy with your life. There’s more Vday to come. It won’t end now.

Be better, not bitter! Always take note of that.

Love,

Danica.✯

We are Young

REPOST: February 1, 2012

Life is so boring for me. I don’t know, I’ve been a bum for over a year and a half now I think. This post doesn’t make any sense actually but I think I should think it through. I used to love this song. Its like this song is telling me to live life to the fullest, make the most out of it, but the question here is how?

Let’s start with finding path for my life. I really don’t know what to do with my life now. I am broke as hell. I’m not thinking about my future. I don’t have any single peny. My dad usually pay my bills. Come on, I’m all grown up. I graduated for over a year now but look where I am now, in my dad’s house, just sleeping, doing nothing. Until when will I be like this? I hope not for long. Oh please, dear God help me find a way. I just really need a guide now. Oh wait, I remember, self-esteem and confidence hinders me on applying. Hah! Look at that? Now, I think I should consider on facing it first before anything else. Without any confidence I don’t know if I can really be the person I want or the one I’ve been dreaming that I’m gonna do someday. When I was a child I used to say that I wanna be a doctor. Then, I realized, we used to dream about that when we were kids. But when I went to middleschool I realized oh wait I think I want to be a phsyical therapist. Sounds silly but yes, I’d dreamed about that too. Then I went to highschool things has changed. My mum got sick and she wanted me to take nursing course so that I would take care of her, but unfortunately she’s gone so I decided to take another course which I realized that I don’t even like. I just took it because it gives me a privilege to travel to France. That’s the only reason why I took my course, nothing more nothing less. My dad used to tell me why’d I break my promise to my mum, well dad for all I care about that promise. All I know is that I can’t do it. Mum died in a hospital and you wanted me to work there? No dad, its not gonna happen. So here I am, lost!!!

Then next for fixing my career, is my lovelife. I’ve been single for years now. As in years, I’m not gonna count cause I know its been so long since then I had been happily in love. Well, yeah I fell in love with somebody else but that’s just it. Not a win/win situation, its just me who loves that someone and he’s fuckin happy with his. Can life be more considerate? Alright, I don’t wanna talk further about this. I made up my mind, I will pursue more on having a good career than having an interest in love. I just have to deal with this, that I might be alone in the mean time or for all time. Who knows? But I hope not.

Okay, keep posted. Online journal it is.

Love,

Danica.✯

Fairytales

REPOST: December 16, 2011

Ha! I started watching Once Upon A Time and honestly I really do believe in fairytales but no to magic. Everybody has their own fairytales, it was written for us but we don’t know yet. This may sound weird but I think its true. There are so many sayings in this world but it is for you on which to believe, whether it sounds silly or maybe it is really real. We can never tell. All I know is everyone this world has their own happy endings. We all do have endings but surely it is happy coz happy ending doesn’t just mean love but also accomplishment or mission. We have missions in our life, however, we can never tell what is really it until the ending of your story has come to arrive. We will never realize until it life is bound to its destination. I know whatever I am writing in this journal sounds a little bit crazy, but if we believe, it surely is true.

I am not saying all of this just because I am watching this series that’s all about fairytales. I am saying this because this is what I believe. I believe in love and endings. I’m still hoping that when the right time comes I will have my own fairy tale. That’s how I call happy ending is, or let me say true love’s ending, for me its my fairy tale. We do have our own fairy tales, just believe in love and we will find our way. I keep on saying this to myself coz I really do believe eventhough there were no any signs that I am goin to be happy. My life sucks, so as my love life but I don’t give up coz I know that someday I’m gonna be happy with the man whom I truely love. Ha, what a fairy tale right? Atleast I got my happy ending, if ever. Our destiny will find its way.

Dreams are memories of another life. If this is true then there will be fairy tales as it is. Not just in books, stories, series or movies that makes it realistic. Is it crazy for me to believe in fantasy or someone’s fiction? Now, I’m curious. All I really want is to sing with him (my supposed to be Prince Charming), I want to talk to him, I want to laugh with him. I want to get to know him better. I don’t want to know him as the guy who just plays basketball and not that into music. I want to know him as the guy on how is he as a friend to almost everyone, on what’s his biggest dream, or does he want me to stay with him forever? (Ha! How I wish.) But I don’t know how. Cause every time I try to talk to him, I end up changing my mind coz its awkward. and I just don’t know how to talk to him regarding this stuffs. Which is weird coz I’m good at talking. But with him its different cause he do have a girlfriend which ends everything.

Love,

Danica.✯

Forever? Is it real?

REPOST: December 14, 2011

Ha! 3rd entry, whew who’d have thought that this will be really my personal online journal. Well, today I’m being an emo girl but who cares. I went to do some errands earlier with my dad and I’m happy coz we did eat at a good restaurant today but I’m a broken-hearted one coz SUBWAY which is btw my favorite isn’t available at any Petron gasoline stations in NLE. Too bad for me, but my dad promised me that we will eat when we go to Manila. Haha cheapthrills I guess? Anyway, that’s not about what I am gonna write for today. Forever? Is it really true that we can wait until forever? Or is there really such thing as forever? I don’t get it. Why’d we have to wait that long if forever doesn’t really exist? I’m not being bitter but yeah I keep on waiting since uhm like forever. So anyway enough with this bitterness. I just wanted to have a merry little christmas but how? My mum is gone, my sister is in Dubai, I don’t have a love life which is btw for years now, not just a year and I will spend my christmas with JUST my dad. That’s too depressing, ugh! Why can’t I find happiness? Or even my own fairytale? That’s all I want for Christmas, actually.

OK, I really don’t wanna give a bitterness vibes but that’s all I can give. Why does my life sucks while everyone was happy. They keep on moving forward with their own lives but look at me, I’m stuck. Is this really possible? That God doesn’t have any plans for me, seriously? I’m not complaining but come on look at me. I’ve got nothing. Please dear God, I am begging you give me a good career or a lovelife for another matter just for me to feel that there is more to this boring life. You know what all I really want is for me to be happy and to give joy to my dad. But I don’t know if I can. There is much problem and questions for me right now. I don’t know if I still can take this. I’m sorry for too much drama let’s just end this. Thank you but on my other entries maybe you will get to know me better and my probs as well. I’m not just sure yet. Hah!

Love,

Danica.✯

Love Sucks

REPOST: December 13, 2011

Hey its me again. Another day had passed but still I’m here in our house waiting for the day to end. And I’m waiting for this someone to call me coz he kinda or I just assumed that he promised. Oh well, love sucks for me. I used to love him for years now, I call him the love of my life ha! Silly me I know but in time it will meant to be. He is my soulmate. I just know, I feel it. I hope its the same for him but I guess not. But if ever I got a chance to take time back I want it to be when I was in high school. Everything’s perfect for me. Its the best time of my life. I never should’ve let him go. That’s the biggest mistake that I ever did when it comes to love. How wrong can we be when it comes to it? I don’t get it. Its like we were always making the wrong decision no matter what. But they say there is no right or wrong when it comes to love. Oh that’s bullshit. It just cost me my entire teenage to realize that he’s the one, always have and always been. I always took granted other people who love me, then to the one I’m in love with keeps on ignoring me. Sad but true. I hate it. I don’t want to be alone forever. Its killing me. Well enough with love drama its just I’m just too emotional and I can’t deal with it. Having my entire spare time watching series about love, love sucks, life and death situation and whatsoever. Its so hard to deal with. Can we all just have our own happy endings? Like fairytales but I guess its hard. I remember watching Friends with Benefits, when Mila’s mum told her that “Your prince Charming isn’t coming to rescue you in a horse and carriage, that’s not who you are. You’re looking for a man to be your partner. To take the world with you. You’ve gotta update your fairy tale, baby.” It moved me, not all fairy tales are just having a prince Charming whatever but sometimes you’ve gotta find a perfect man that whom you think will understand you in everyway that is possible and also who is willing to be with you til you guys grow old. Well, fairytales isn’t just having prince but having true love, I guess. So just goodluck hope life will turn better for me.

Love,

Danica.✯

1st Entry

Oh hey hello, this blog will serve as my online journal. I used wordpress before but because of some circumstances I decided to move into blogspot, wordpress is sooo confusing. So starting today I;m goin to put up my personal thoughts here instead. Btw, if you're curious here's my old link. (daneecuhdelacruz) Enjoy reading! Or I might post some of them here. We'll see.

God Bless You....

Love,

Danica.✯