Life is so boring for me. I don’t know, I’ve been a bum for over a year and a half now I think. This post doesn’t make any sense actually but I think I should think it through. I used to love this song. Its like this song is telling me to live life to the fullest, make the most out of it, but the question here is how?
Let’s start with finding path for my life. I really don’t know what to do with my life now. I am broke as hell. I’m not thinking about my future. I don’t have any single peny. My dad usually pay my bills. Come on, I’m all grown up. I graduated for over a year now but look where I am now, in my dad’s house, just sleeping, doing nothing. Until when will I be like this? I hope not for long. Oh please, dear God help me find a way. I just really need a guide now. Oh wait, I remember, self-esteem and confidence hinders me on applying. Hah! Look at that? Now, I think I should consider on facing it first before anything else. Without any confidence I don’t know if I can really be the person I want or the one I’ve been dreaming that I’m gonna do someday. When I was a child I used to say that I wanna be a doctor. Then, I realized, we used to dream about that when we were kids. But when I went to middleschool I realized oh wait I think I want to be a phsyical therapist. Sounds silly but yes, I’d dreamed about that too. Then I went to highschool things has changed. My mum got sick and she wanted me to take nursing course so that I would take care of her, but unfortunately she’s gone so I decided to take another course which I realized that I don’t even like. I just took it because it gives me a privilege to travel to France. That’s the only reason why I took my course, nothing more nothing less. My dad used to tell me why’d I break my promise to my mum, well dad for all I care about that promise. All I know is that I can’t do it. Mum died in a hospital and you wanted me to work there? No dad, its not gonna happen. So here I am, lost!!!
Then next for fixing my career, is my lovelife. I’ve been single for years now. As in years, I’m not gonna count cause I know its been so long since then I had been happily in love. Well, yeah I fell in love with somebody else but that’s just it. Not a win/win situation, its just me who loves that someone and he’s fuckin happy with his. Can life be more considerate? Alright, I don’t wanna talk further about this. I made up my mind, I will pursue more on having a good career than having an interest in love. I just have to deal with this, that I might be alone in the mean time or for all time. Who knows? But I hope not.
Okay, keep posted. Online journal it is.
Love,
Danica.✯
